That Mad Old Bee!
by woo-fish
Summary: Albus Dumbledore has a tooth ache. Uh oh.


**Disclaimer:** JK owns all (including me!). 

**That Mad Old Bee **

It all began when Headmaster Albus Dumbledore had a tooth ache.

After an ill-fated encounter with one of his beloved sherbet lemons left the Headmaster with an aching bi-cuspid no one -repeat no one- could have imagine the mayhem that ensued. Fawkes might be an exception though.

When Dumbledore reported to the Hogwarts infirmary he received no sympathy for his pain from a usually compassionate Madam Pomfrey, the resident medi-witch. Quite the contrary, because he received instead a lecture about the level of his sweet consumption and that he justly deserved the dull throbbing ache as a reminder to cut down on his intake.

"Shame on you Poppy Pomfrey for your disregard -ow!- of a person (who may I add, is your employer) in need of your healing skills!" whined the venerable Headmaster. "I am in agony! Ouch! See? Can't you at least give me, oh I don't know, a-a new tooth?! Or at least a pain relief potion, _please!"_

Madam Pomfrey eyed the agitated man before her impassively. The right cheek of Dumbledore's bearded face was swollen; he was hopping from foot to foot and were those tears in his blue eyes? She sighed and folded her arms, her medi-witch's uniform robes crinkling.

"Albus Dumbledore, give me one good reason why."

Headmaster Dumbledore gave her a most peculiar look. "You mean other than the fact I could suspend you if you don't? Alright, fine! Consider this Poppy: I _could_ mention to Alastor the next time I see him that you've been asking about him of late. How does that sound?"

Madam Pomfrey considered his words for a time. Her stern expression softening a little, she gave a coy little smile before she turned and retrieved a vial filled with an aqua potion from the cupboard behind her.

"Here you! Take that potion while I contact St Mungo's," she said briskly.

Dumbledore all but snatched the potion from her hand. "St. Mungo's? What in Merlin's name for?"

"That tooth will have to go Albus."

"You mean they will…pull it out?" asked Dumbledore aghast.

Turning to write on her desk a short message to owl, Madam Pomfrey affirmed it with a nod of her head, her white nurse's cap wobbling.

"That's right Albus, they--"

When Madam Pomfrey turned back to the Headmaster, she found that he had fled the infirmary. He had taken the potion though and left a note of his own:

_'Thanks for the potion Poppy, but I'm afraid I must decline the tooth extraction!'_

This took place on the early morning of Monday, day one of the 'Catch the Headmaster' saga.

It was Thursday and by now there was serious disorder in the entire school. Since Monday classes had been cancelled because not only were the teachers too busy finding ways to track down Headmaster Dumbledore and reason with him (by order of a vengeful Madam Pomfrey), but their teaching syllabus for the week needed the Headmaster's approval before they could be carried out.

Naturally, the students rejoiced and ran amok.

Professor McGonagall had been appointed the head of the taskforce whose assignment was to capture their AWOL Headmaster. Though it not of her own choice. On Tuesday during an emergency staff meeting minus the Headmaster the other teachers had all agreed that enough was enough: Dumbledore must be caught if not for his good then for the good of the school and that a 'taskforce' must be set up to do so. Oh, and Minerva McGonagall will be in charge of that.

"Why can't any of you lot take charge for once?" Professor McGonagall fumed at them all, her grey eyes flashing; her feet were apart in a wide stance while her arms where akimbo. Standing just in the entrance of the staff room the Transfiguration Professor had been the last to arrive was not at all pleased that she had been nominated and chosen without prior consultation or agreement.

"Well you know the dear fellow better than any of us Minerva," squeaked the Charms Professor Filius Flitwick as he made himself comfortable in his bronze and blue beanbag; he held bag of crisps in one hand and bottle of fizzing soda in the other, "and so it's only logical you'd be best in knowing how his mind works and consequently catching him."

"Filius is right Minerva," piped up her friend Madam Hooch the shortly cropped grey-haired Flying Instructor as she popped her feet upon the long table in the centre of the room. Waving a Quidditch magazine at the irate Transfiguration Professor she added, "We'll just leave this in your capable hands."

Professors Sprout, Sinistra and Vector all nodded their heads vigorously at her words as they played poker upon the hearth rug. Since they had no classes to teach some of the teachers ironically took a lesson from their students and simply enjoyed the break from teaching. The three female Professors had stated intentions of traipsing to the Three Broomsticks in Hogsmeade and spend their working hours there rather than at the castle, but refrained. To be seen out at the pub during school hours would have looked suspicious, so they opted instead for setting up a pub-like ambience in the staff room (minus the liquor, unfortunately), starting first with a excruciating round of random darts and now a game of poker. Later they would progress to a karaoke competition. Right now the two younger Professors, Vector and Sinistra, were losing spectacularly to the Herbology instructor and from the determined looks on their face they would rather attempt to win back the huge pile of Honeydukes chocolate in the centre of their playing circle rather than look for the Headmaster.

Professor McGonagall looked to where Professor Kettleburn was sprawled out semi-comatose in an armchair by the fire. No help from that quarter. He had been carried in earlier that day by a couple of 'thoughtful' Hufflepuff seventh years after witnessing their Care of Magical Creatures Professor being trampled by three male Threstrals in heat who were fighting it out for mates. Why he was brought into the staff room rather than the Infirmary was beyond Professor McGonagall. Of course, these were Hufflepuffs under consideration.

Then she glanced very briefly at where Professor Binns was reciting his next lecture ('The Great Muggle Incite of 1354'). Definitely no help from him. The History of Magic ghost was known for his lack of interest in anything that had nothing to do with his beloved subject. In fact whether or not he was unaware of the current situation was moot point.

The Professor for Muggle Studies averted eye contact with her when she looked his way. He seemed to be engrossed with a curious flat disc in his hand that reflected the colours of the rainbow when light bounced from the shiny surface and his good natured face winced when he felt Professor McGonagall's stare.

Professor Trelawney was ensconced in the Divination tower and Professor McGonagall sincerely hoped she stayed there. Professor McGonagall reasoned that considering the stress she had been under of late she could not be held accountable for her actions should the Divinations instructor start with her dramatic and extremely irritating 'visions' of where the Headmaster might retreat to next.

The lines of her mouth tightening, she glanced at her remaining associate, the insidious Potions Master. Uncharacteristically he had adopted a casual appearance as he leaned against an empty armchair with his arms folded and expression of mild amusement on his face.

"And what of you Severus, shall you shirk looking for the Headmaster too?"

"Unprofessional it maybe however since I want to annoy you by relaxing with the others while you do the work, then yes, I shall shirk my duties," drawled a smirking Snape. Professor McGonagall's thin nose twitched in annoyance and her eyes narrowed.

"Fine! I'll do it! It seems that I have no choice seeing that the rest of you are completely useless and aren't willing to take stock!"

"Completely useless," agreed Professor Sprout absently, nodding her head as she presented her cards to her poker playing colleagues exultantly. Professors Sinistra and Vector both scowled and threw down their cards in disgust when she eagerly claimed her winnings.

"But let it be known that all of you aren't of the hook. As head of this 'Headmaster Taskforce' I claim the right to employ any of you to assist me."

"And if we refuse?" challenged Professor Snape. He had a smug glint in his glittering dark eyes and several of his colleagues echoed his dispute.

"Then I shall ask Madam Pomfrey to _persuade_ you to," intoned Professor McGonagall in a menacing hiss. "Bearing in mind her current frame of mind I would imagine it would be a most unpleasant experience and therefore I urge you all to assist me."

Professor Binns, who was still quietly droning on about 'The Great Muggle Incite of 1354', was the only one in the staff room who did not have a sour look on his face.

Despite the distracted/timid promises of assistance she wrangled/threatened out of her fellow staff members, Professor McGonagall was on her own in her unfairly delegated commission only because the staff were purposely being slack in their attempts of putting the Headmaster at bay.

_As if I didn't have enough to do already! Apart from keeping my young cubs out of trouble, temporarily taking over active Headship duties, detaining several unruly students and placating a furious Madam Pomfrey, _now _I am charged with capturing the most powerful wizard in the world who has gone FUGITIVE!_

The house elves had been instructed by Professor McGonagall not to assist the Headmaster in any way and to immediately inform the staff if they saw him. This proved to be useless as the ever-helpful creatures helped him anyway. Professor Kettleburn informed her that after being alerted by his personal House Elf, Ouch, one evening of the Headmaster's whereabouts, the Care of Magical Creature's Professor made for the floor the school's kitchens were situated only to glimpse the Headmaster beating a hasty retreat down the corridor, a hamper in his arms filled with food supplies and candies whilst the House Elves waved him off happily.

"Dumbledore is still being Headmaster, Professor," squeaked one of the quailing House Elves when confronted by a livid Professor McGonagall for an explanation for their actions. "Hogwarts House Elves is always at service to current Headmaster. We is not meaning to disobey Professor McGonagall!"

The other House Elves nodded their heads, their large ears flapping vigorously. Professor McGonagall had no other recourse but hold back her tirade and dismiss the pitiable creatures. She would have to find another avenue to capturing Albus Dumbledore.

Rubeus Hagrid, the groundskeeper, would have been ideal helper seeing how he was always out and about the castle, but the only flaw in him was the same as the House Elves: his loyalty was to Dumbledore. Hagrid's hut was probably where Dumbledore was spending his nights since his office and personal quarters were under magical surveillance by his staff. Argus Filch the caretaker had no idea of the situation until after an incident where Madam Pomfrey screamed at him to grab the Headmaster who was helping him with a Doxy infestation in a corridor near the Infirmary. A scuffle later were Filch was accidentally hit with Madam Pomfrey's full-body-bind hex (redirected by a swish of Dumbledore's wand), the Headmaster hastily withdrew again leaving a doubly wound up Hogwarts matron and a confused and incapacitated caretaker.

Late Thursday evening found Professor McGonagall behind her desk pondering the situation and strategizing. Professor McGonagall knew that using magic upon the Headmaster was useless. Every witch and wizard knew that Albus Dumbledore was the greatest magician in the world; he was possibly strong enough to take on Merlin himself! The man was a master duellist if his defeat of Grindlewald in 1945 was anything to go by. She had heard that he even bested little Professor Flitwick, a one time international duelling champion, during a friendly sparring session many years ago. Though she had not seen Albus Dumbledore first hand in combat, she was aware that his reflexes were legendary and that any incapacitating hexes, curses or jinxes sent his way would soon be deflected back to the caster as demonstrated during the incident with Madam Pomfrey.

Ultimately, she reasoned, the only way to capture Albus Dumbledore was to prey on his weakness, namely the simple obsession that had landed him in his current predicament: sweets.

**AN: **Will order be restored in Hogwarts? Will Albus finally learn his lesson about his sugar intake? Will Minerva suffer from a cardiac arrest caused by the stress? Find out next chapter!


End file.
